XO-LP // Laura Palmer


Love Letters to a New Year.

7/11 : Today I milked a cow

Dear 31,

7/11 : Today I milked a cow

I met Dan, the milk man and Natalie, the cow, and we all shook hands, so to speak, before I sat down on the bale of hay near Natalie’s udders. The girl was cooperating for the most part, and Dan assured me she wasn’t bothered by me tugging on her milk limbs. 

Dan showed me the proper hand motion and placement, and poof, I’m a milk maid. A couple solid milk streams poured into the pail and I felt pretty damn accomplished. I asked Dan how long it would take to fill the whole bucket, he said he’d actually never filled a bucket with milk. This did not help Dan’s credibility as a milk boy, but just as I was about to ask a follow up question, Natalie hit me in the face with her tail.

Twack. Even the sweet gal who volunteered to take pictures of me milking the cow was startled and then laughed, a little too much laughter actually. We tried to resume the milking lesson, but Natalie started doing a little side step towards my hay bale. She scooted her booty right up to me, pushing her torso into my face. Homegirl had enough. I thanked Dan politely. Climbed onto the hay bale to wedge myself out of the milking station (Natalie was not making it easy to break free). Please note the jorts and the fear face. That was real life farm time.

(State fair tip: BYOP. Having a friend with you who can take the “right” pics of you milking the cow is always better than the nice volunteer who only captures your strangely long arms and your post tail thwacked face. You know, maybe capture an actual udder. Or a photo where you aren’t looking terrified. Always BYOP.)

Today was also the day I toured the midway and nearly hit the $1 basket I shot. I mean, I couldn’t be in the midway without doing something. $1 for a midway style pop-a-shot? Ok. My shot kissed the front of the rim and died, but today also was the day I snapped a both-ie with a carnie.

(Actual question: is carnie offensive or a job title?)

I caught some sun (or more freckles) and shared beers with Tracy on the VIP couch at the Craft Beer Tent. Although cow milking topped my list of #fairlife must-dos, couch time in the Craft Beer tent was my one of my favorite hours in a long week of fair time hours. Thanks for the super cool seating, Scott.

Oh man today was a good day. On the downhill. #fairlife continues tomorrow.


Laura PalmerComment